Just do it…

I shot this image for Nike Basketball at the middle of the year but I’ve used their mantra for over 20 years. JUST DO IT... I get “ALOT” of questions daily on how I can just push through and not “stress” about possibly dying from leukemia. If anything my first round with Leukemia taught me was that we are all vulnerable and to find yourself a driving force. Well, fortunately my driving force was already installed into my life... no need for upgrades. Zoey and Zenaida are my driving force... they are what gives me energy in the morning when my levels have bottomed out for days and I haven’t been home in 3 weeks.

Days like today where I’m having acid flux and every bite I swallow burns going down. It’s all good though, I KNOW I need to eat so I try and have some Maalox ready. Getting those calories in is way more important than being comfortable at the time. That’s my mindset... JUST DO IT. Whatever I have to do, JUST DO IT, JUST DO IT  for them. Is it easy? Hell no, fuck no, but to me I have no other options. It is either you do this or don’t... no two ways around it.

I know this sounds like a hard, unforgiving and messed up plan to follow but I like all cancer fighters have been given a hard, unforgiving and messed up set of circumstances. Now I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me... I’m blessed way beyond I should be.

Just a reminder when you “think” you “should” do something but you are being apprehensive... JUST DO IT. You never know it might be what you needed to get you by.  

Act Two

Some play’s play all the way through to the end, others have intermissions and begin again. Well loved one’s and friends my intermission ended 11-28-2018 and it is time for act two. We received  confirmation that my Leukemia has returned on Wednesday night and I’ll be starting chemo maybe tomorrow or so. This time I feel way more equipped for this battle even though I would much rather not fight to begin with but I will! I will fight it with more ferocity than the first.

Why fight more now... because Zoey understands now. She understands and is way more emotionally connected now and it kills me for her to see me sick or hurting. I have to fight harder because she needs her “Dahdee” and I need my Zozo. I have to fight harder because Z and I just made it to 10 years married and I promised her more... a lot more. I have to fight harder because who else is gonna give Jasmine, Steven, Steven, Tia, Tiandre and Da'Lynn a hard time ( or what I like to call it... the truth). Thank you all and I really appreciate all the love, respect and prayer from last year when I was first diagnosed). I would love to keep that same energy in these coming months. I will definitely keep ya’ll updated on everything.

Some play’s play all the way through to the end, others have intermissions and begin again. Well loved one’s and friends my intermission ended 11-28-2018 and it is time for act two. We received  confirmation that my Leukemia has returned on Wednesday night and I’ll be starting chemo maybe tomorrow or so. This time I feel way more equipped for this battle even though I would much rather not fight to begin with but I will! I will fight it with more ferocity than the first. Why fight more now... because Zoey understands now. She understands and is way more emotionally connected now and it kills me for her to see me sick or hurting. I have to fight harder because she needs her “Dahdee” and I need my Zozo. I have to fight harder because Z and I just made it to 10 years married and I promised her more... a lot more. I have to fight harder because who else is gonna give Jasmine, Steven, Steven, Tia, Tiandre and Da'Lynn a hard time ( or what I like to call it... the truth). Thank you all and I really appreciate all the love, respect and prayer from last year when I was first diagnosed). I would love to keep that same energy in these coming months. I will definitely keep ya’ll updated on everything.

New birthday

There is a joke to this picture, well more like inside joke. They say when you get a bone marrow transplant the old you dies and you are reborn. This is pretty much true... everything that make you medically you is killed. Then you receive you donor’s stem cells which in turn you share the same blood type and sex of blood. My sister was my donor... so now we share the same blood type and yes I now have female blood. No I don’t have a monthly visitor... but I do cry at cartoons now. As I go through more rolls of film from my journey I’ll be posting more images, hope to continue to bring you all with me.

Chocolate pop

There is a lot of things I had to learn on the way during my journey with cancer. One of the was how fucking cold you get after both radiation and chemo. When I was cold, I MEAN COLD! In this picture I had on two pairs of sweat pants, two shirts, a beanie and a hoodie.It is amazing the changes your body goes through, before all of this I couldn’t stay cool. I was “warm natured” basically I was always hot. Now I can’t stay warm and barely ever sweat. If you ask my wife she’ll say the no sweating is a good thing.

Radiation cherry popper

I remember this day so vividly, it was my first day of radiation. I had no idea what to expect... the paramedic dude was telling me it was a simple thing. I guess he was trying to calm me down, it worked to some degree. I was calm all the way until they turned on the radiation shooter (that’s what I called it). I didn’t feel anything until 20 minutes in... then OHHHHHH SHIT! This massive wave of nausea rushed over me annnnnd I fainted! I heard it was normal but damn they could have given a brotha a warning. I have to say that the radiation was the worst part of this whole journey, the chemo wasn’t bad. I felt the worst I have ever felt during this week of radiation but now that I look back... I made it through and am now working on getting back to normal. That’s all anyone can really ask for.

97 days

97 days... it has been 97 days since my big head sister saved my life (thank you Jazz).

It has been 97 days since my Stem cell transplant.

It has been 97 days of have a new immune system (and all the complication that go along with it) and life.

97... seems like a long time huh, to me it flew by. I’ve been spending those 97 days trying to get back to normal. Spending time with my two Zs. Enjoying being free from the hospital bed. Working...

In 3 more days I’ll find out how my transplant has melded with my bone marrow. I’m excited to see and if I might say... a little nervous. What ever might come I’ll take it and run with it, like I always have.

Finding Glitter

Life ain’t always glitter and rainbows... how much you choose to be negative about directly influences how your life will end up. I will always find glitter in old soggy confetti. 

New Birthday

Today is the day... I guess I get a new birthday today along with my new immune system. I am so at a loss for words right now. Really I just wanna be with Zoey, Z, mama and sisters. I want to be with my sister while she is going through the process of harvesting the stem cells. I know that isn’t easy. So much going through my head right now... just know that I am eternally grateful to everyone! Ya’ll strength and praying has brought me here. Even if you didn’t pray your well wishes provided momentum. I love you all!  

15 vials

These 15 vials of blood represent hope... 6 months of hospital stays, chemo, crap load of drugs and uncertainty and it is all coming to a head. A couple of weeks ago we found out that my little sister is a half match for a bone marrow transplant! My sister is saving my life, I still don't think I've processed it completely. I don't know how to thank her... I thought this would be a easy post. I'm just now realizing the gravity of it all... she is saving more than a brother. She is saving a son, a husband and a father. My little sister is saving my life, the person I called Monkey Face Jones all through high school is saving me. I'm trying not to cry while I type this (at the dentist). I'm at a loss for words right now... but am also in a good place and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll make a more cohesive post when I can gather my thoughts. 

Casi ahí

Ask not for a lighter burden but for broader shoulders. - Jewish proverb 

Almost there, just have to strap in and push through. 

Bone biopsy & tools of the trade

Bone biopsies are weird, I've had 6 and don't remember a single one. I know years ago when you received a bone biopsy it was carried out with just local anesthetic. Well I'm a big baby, so they knocked me out every time and I'm very grateful for such kindness. I received a non pain medicated spinal tap once... NEVER AGAIN! I learned quickly that I don't like pain. Ha... ha.. ha... 

Faith

Keep moving

In this together

What can I say, that you haven't already shown. This has been a hard journey for both of us, one day you had a husband there to help raise our sweet (and stupid energetic) Zoey... then the next you didn't. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry... I know it is out of our hands but I want to be there. I miss ya'll something terrible and can't wait for that FaceTime at the end of the day. We've cried on each others shoulders (I kinda had to stoop for yours) but I am certain this is just a temporary learning block. We've argued about your need for rest and you not making the trek over here. We aren't perfect but when we make it through this, we'll be able to make it through anything thrown our way. Thank you and I'm honored to be your husband. I love you Zenaida Campbell.

Wrap it up

Ahhhh old ole shower time! Hold up, not so quick... gotta wrap that pic line. You don't want to get it wet since that can cause the growth of bacteria and all kinds of fun stuff. Slide your arm in a two ended plastic bag then put Coban on top and bottom with a little tape to seal it up and you're all set!  

Home

Home sweet home! After 29 days (round one chemo) of being away from Z, Zoey and my home... I just wanted to relax with them. You never truly know how blessed you are until it is taken away. Hold everyone you hold dear tight... very tight, for they could be taken away as soon as they step outside the door.

The contortionist box

The title says it all... at the beginning it took me more time to get "in" the restroom than it took to "go" to the restroom.  Since this is my 4th round here, I'm a damn pro at maneuvering my IV stand in such a small space. Gotta remember to put that down in my resume.

Stanzia and her mobile keyboard

On Wednesday's we have a young adults with cancer meeting. At the end of the meeting Stanzia (pretty sure I butchered her name) sings a song for the group. Now it might seem like these meetings are corny and you are better of by yourself. They aren't and you are not, now the meetings might not be everyone's cup of tea but it is good to know you have people who are fighting the same battles... sometimes the same cancer as you. Experience goes a long way in this fight.