15... that’s how many bags of blood I’ve needed over my two journeys with cancer. It is funny the stuff you remember. I’ve had more bags of platelets. I can only imagine how many people have given blood and/or platelets to help keep me alive. To everyone who has given blood, you don’t know this but you saved someone yesterday, today or you will save someone tomorrow. If you’ve ever thought about giving blood... do it. Be someone’s hero, even if you don’t get to meet them.
analogphotography
Just do it…
I shot this image for Nike Basketball at the middle of the year but I’ve used their mantra for over 20 years. JUST DO IT... I get “ALOT” of questions daily on how I can just push through and not “stress” about possibly dying from leukemia. If anything my first round with Leukemia taught me was that we are all vulnerable and to find yourself a driving force. Well, fortunately my driving force was already installed into my life... no need for upgrades. Zoey and Zenaida are my driving force... they are what gives me energy in the morning when my levels have bottomed out for days and I haven’t been home in 3 weeks.
Days like today where I’m having acid flux and every bite I swallow burns going down. It’s all good though, I KNOW I need to eat so I try and have some Maalox ready. Getting those calories in is way more important than being comfortable at the time. That’s my mindset... JUST DO IT. Whatever I have to do, JUST DO IT, JUST DO IT for them. Is it easy? Hell no, fuck no, but to me I have no other options. It is either you do this or don’t... no two ways around it.
I know this sounds like a hard, unforgiving and messed up plan to follow but I like all cancer fighters have been given a hard, unforgiving and messed up set of circumstances. Now I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me... I’m blessed way beyond I should be.
Just a reminder when you “think” you “should” do something but you are being apprehensive... JUST DO IT. You never know it might be what you needed to get you by.
Back at it
Well what can I say…. I’ve been in a massive fog for about 2 1/2 weeks. Whether it be the pain meds from the back surgery or the chemo meds, not really sure. But I’m out of it and am feeling my normal self…. finally! Finished chemo last Wednesday and am waiting for my levels to raise back up so that I can get out, hopefully in time for Christmas. I’ve continued on with SEPTUA since I feel I should still be documenting this process. Hopefully when all curated and formed it will show a suitable representation of what leukiemia could be.
As of right now, I’m pushing forward and continuing to keep in contact with clients, send my normal promo emails keep them in the loop. This will not stop me, I’ve came this far and still have so much to go! I just wanted to say I have no words for the level of love and support ThAt we have received from our friends, family, clients and co workers. I love all of ya’ll and and truely feel blessed by all of you! Thank you!
Finding Glitter
Life ain’t always glitter and rainbows... how much you choose to be negative about directly influences how your life will end up. I will always find glitter in old soggy confetti.
Casi ahí
Ask not for a lighter burden but for broader shoulders. - Jewish proverb
Almost there, just have to strap in and push through.
Bordem is the loneliest number
What matters most
When I'm out of the hospital for a week or 2 weeks I try to document my family as much as I can. They are definitely a huge part of my life.
Influx
One of the saddest things about being in a hospital for 3 weeks has nothing to do with me. It is seeing the amount of people being life flighted in everyday. I see this helicopter fly in at least 3-4 times a day... hopefully the people they fly in get to walk out.
Faith
Keep moving
Home
Home sweet home! After 29 days (round one chemo) of being away from Z, Zoey and my home... I just wanted to relax with them. You never truly know how blessed you are until it is taken away. Hold everyone you hold dear tight... very tight, for they could be taken away as soon as they step outside the door.
Self
This is me at a bloated 197lbs (13lbs in 4 days) up from a lean 184lbs... they have to bloat me with water to help flush the chemo out of my body as quick as possible. I want talk to ya'll about weight loss and psych, I'll been one way for the better part for 24 years. I made it up to 270lbs in my early 20's, was squatting over 700, deadlifting almost 700, benching high 500's. Then I got into bodybuilding. Cut down to 210 and never looked back.
When you are known to be at a certain level, a level you worked soooo hard to achieve... it should bother you when you lose it. Well it didn't really bother me to lose weight as fast as I did until I hit 180... that was a 50lbs loss. I haven't been 180 lbs since 7th grade. I know after this is all said and done I will gain it back but it kinda feels like a piece of my identity was taken way for now.
Breakfast cocktail
To combat the effects of chemo I have to down a assortment of drugs,
Anti viral
Anti Bacterial
Anti fungal
Anti nausea
Methyl-Prednisone
Pepsin
I've never taken this much medication before but I must say that it is doing it's job! besides a couple day of being extremely tired I haven't had any real bad days... yet.